Thursday, February 5, 2009


so i went country swing dancing at the local fun park last night. what a blast! i'm so glad i decided to go do that instead of doing my chemistry homework. it was so much fun to just totally let lose and go crazy and not even care what anyone thought of me! i danced with quite a few boys too and that was definitely a plus. except i am taking a break from boys, so i am trying not to get too carried away! it's not easy, let me tell ya. life is so much less dramatic when you aren't worrying about some guy, what he thinks, how you should act around him, when you're gonna see him next, etc etc. i'm doing really well at not even being tempted in wanting more than friendship with any guy. and you wanna know why? 

you think a guy is a man, and then just like the rest of them he turns out to be a boy. i hate that guys act all tough and tease you in order to get your attention. it makes me feel insecure, inadequate, and then i get defensive and angry. not exactly what i'd call a healthy relationship. and this is why i hate being teased. why i hate being tickled. i don't like feeling like i'm powerless and have lost control of a situation. and if you don't like a guy, you are apathetic and apathy will always win when it comes to guy/girl encounters. 

just last week i had a guy tell me that i needed to trust myself more and give more of my heart in relationships. trust my heart with one of those boys? not likely! it's all up and downs and confusion. and then there's the clincher. immature, immature, immature.

i confess that there have been those guys who have turned out to be pretty decent guys. but even they managed to disappoint me somehow, either in their ability to handle a relationship or just in being able to keep my interest. 

and so, i am taking a break. i am waiting for a guy to come along that for some reason, i honestly and truly care more about him and his well being than i ever thought possible. guys can tempt all they want right now, but i'm not going to fall for it. not unless they can convince me that it's pretty real. but what are the odds of that happening??

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