happy christmas!

tonight i was talking to my roommate (who is away in her hometown, as i am in mine) online, and she said merry christmas to me. i replied "happy christmas megan". her reply was "i read that in a british accent" to which i said "good, because i typed it in one". it's good to know that my roommate/best friend can read my mind like that. i don't know what i'd do if she didn't understand my crazy ways--probably go insane and drop out of school and move home and sleep all day. anyway, simple joys like that make my life, and i just wanted to share that one with the fabulous blog world. it's almost christmas time. and for a while, it hasn't really felt like it. but it's starting to. hopefully this will still be a great christmas!

another semester...

come and gone! pretty crazy stuff. this is also essentially the end of 2009. that year just FLEW by. I'm still wondering where summer went, and it's Christmastime. It's been a great semester, and a great year. I'm anxious about the future. happy about the past. loving the present. and wishing I could take a nap. Going to bed at 3 am after working on a paper+waking up at 6:30 to work on that paper= one very tired me. I would take a nap, but I need to pack for my trip back to my hometown for a day or two. I spent way less time visiting home this semester than I have previous semesters, so I'm looking forward to this visit.

well, I think I want to shower and get ready or maybe pack and clean or just go take a nap. I might have written more for this post if I hadn't just finished a 6 page paper. writing. overload. done. now.

PS. Dear time, please move slower. love, me.

i was gonna go to bed early...

and then i ended up reading mylifeisaverage.com for 2 hours. plus i changed my facebook profile picture. and i talked to a boy for the first time really in two years--he's been out of the country serving a mission for his church. we decided that when i go back to my hometown for the christmas holidays, we're going to go on a date. i was one of the last girls from my home town that he took on a date before being gone for two years, and it was probably one of the most fun dates i had in high school. needless to say, i'm looking forward to getting to hang out with the kid again. the funny thing is, that since he's been gone from school for a while, we are now both at the same year academically, even though i'm a few years younger. it's cool to feel like you are as old as someone who always seemed to be just ahead of you.

today was a good day, dear blog. i woke up and had to shower in 10 second intervals because that was all the hot water was good for before turning cold, and my first class was canceled. it was nice, because i was becoming concerned that i was beginning to die of swine flu (i've had symptoms lately... including throwing up a few times monday). i took a nap on a couch at our student union building until my next class started. as that class passed i began to feel better. after that class ended, i sat and talked with a guy who has become a really good friend for an hour. then when i walked to the library to wait for a scholarship interview, it started to snow (woo!!). i sat by a window and didn't get hardly any work done because i just stared outside watching the flakes fall. i walked to my scholarship interview with my jacket hood on but my face turned up; snowflakes got stuck in my eyelashes. i couldn't help but grin ear to ear. i passed people on the sidewalk who were wincing and grimacing and looking anything but pleased, and i felt sad that they weren't loving the snow as much as i was. there are only 42 days until christmas. bring on the snow mother nature, bring on the snow!

you are my sweetest downfall

i have fallen in love with this song. it's by Regina Spektor. i love her voice! it is so enchanting. anyway, these are the lyrics.

Samson

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

I'm listening to it over and over again right now. love love love it. I should be studying for a statistics test.... but really i'm just waiting for my roommate to come home so we can watch "white christmas", which i've never seen the end of and she hasn't seen any of it at all, so i'm very looking forward to it! maybe while i am waiting, i will put the clean dishes away so that we can load it with the dirty ones so that our sink isn't overflowing with dirty dishes. and maybe then i will be able to have a clean pan to make some soup in, cause i want to have some soup!!

i have a confession to make, dear blog. i have a crush on a man 10 years older than me. terrible, i know. but we spent an hour today after class talking about life and everything and i just really enjoyed it.

well, i'm going to try to get some kind of studying done for this test. wish me luck!

daylight savings!

means that though my body thinks it is 2 am right now, it is actually only 1 am. and in the morning, when it is actually 9 am, it will feel like 10 am. not too shabby, eh?

i've decided that i no longer want to be a "city girl". over the last year, i've come to love and embrace the country style of life. i had some exposure in the first few years of my life, having extended family living in some rural places. but now i get a lot of it, pretty much every day. i love country. i want to be a redneck!!

and now i'm going to bed because my body thinks it is 3 am.

maybe someday i will tell you my analogy of how telling boys you like them is like playing baseball.

i don't feel like being responsible and doing the things i need to get done.

i guess when i think about it, that should be the title of every last one of my blog posts--it's kind of the story of every minute of my life. i really love procrastinating. sometimes it gets me in trouble. okay, a lot of times it gets me in trouble. i'm proud to say that i still manage to get (practically all) of what i intended to do, done (although possibly poorly done). my favorite thing is, when by a stroke of good luck, a deadline gets extended just when i need it.

i am in the library right now, because our internet at the apartment is on the fritz. unfortunately, i forgot to bring my charger and i only have 19% battery life left. so i'm torn between using that precious time wisely and getting done what i can, or not caring because it's such a short amount of time and just resigning to waste the rest of the power. i'm not even being very diligent in writing on this, and will most likely end up writing less than i intended to.

well i officially accomplished one worthwhile task. i checked how many days there were until christmas. 66. in case you were also wondering.

other things on my mind:

• i wish i could dump my boyfriend. i am so tired of him. it's kind of sad.
• hopefully my STATS 3000 teacher has the swine flu and won't be back to class for a very long time. the substitute today was a WAY better teacher.
• i should have brought my fish diversity lab notes so that i could study for my test tomorrow. 7% life left.
• i feel like traveling. i want to meet with my advisor to talk about studying abroad. i dunno if i have the drive to actually go through with something that daunting though.
• every year, i get so excited to carve pumpkins. every year, after about 5 minutes, i remember how much i hate carving pumpkins and how terrible i am at it. this year was no different.

well, my roommate just asked if we should go now, and i figure we might as well. 4% left. and it's raining outside. maybe soon it will turn into snow and be christmastime. until then!

should be writing a 6 page essay!

i just have to write a quick blog though. my roommate and i are sitting in the living room in our usual spots on the couches--just like any evening. The window into the alleyway between the buildings of my apartment complex is open, and a chill breeze comes blowing through with an extra bit of crispness.

"it's raining"

says megan.

i already knew. i could smell it.

i love the smell of rain. it makes my heart long for those summer storms! this is our first official "autumn" rain. soon it will turn to snow. and for me, that means only one thing.

christmas lights.

86 days :)

should be... getting ready for school?

my stats homework assignment took an hour instead of the allotted two, so i figured i'd use the extra time to update. for starters, it's no longer summer. which is pretty depressing. school is going alright, minus the fact that i have 26 hours of it a week, and it's kind of overwhelming at times. it's tough to fit in everything you need to get done in a day when you have class from 9-5. luckily we're on the brink of a 3-day weekend, which will give me a chance to get on top of my to-do list (i hope).

i'm living in a new apartment now. it's alright--not exactly as awesome as i was hoping it would be but that's ok. i'm never really home, so it's not like i do much living here anyway.

classes (like i mentioned) are good, although 16 credits seems like a lot more time this semester compared to previous. but i'm taking choir and rock climbing, so it's not like it's all seriousness.

i've got a ton of stuff buzzing around my brain right now, but i need to go get everything together for the day, since i have recitation in half an hour and then have 6.5 hours of class straight!

summer nights

i am so in love with summer right now. there is hardly ever a dull moment, and even the dull moments are brilliant because it's summer and summer is all about being lazy, right? for instance, today i skipped work so i could recover from a late night of country swing dancing/watching an awesome lightning display. and get some things crossed off my to-do list (such as "buy apple juice"). then i went to jamba, and then to the rec center to do work out classes with my friend--which was amazing.

now i am debating taking a shower and going to bed so that tomorrow i can wake up earlier so i will be tired tomorrow night since saturday i will be waking up at 5 am to go on an all day hike! i'm thuper duper excited! i haven't done this hike in a while, and it's hard as all get out but i'm looking forward to the experience! i even bought a camelbak for the experience. oh and did i mention i bought chacos??

Pretty sweet, no? i love them much. well i'm out. until next time!

sunsets

I love sunsets. I've had two really awesome sunsets this summer. The first was in Idaho, in the Sawtooth wilderness area. Caleb took it on my camera as we were driving from red fish lake back to our camp. The second was out on Lake mead while boating with my cousins

These are my two favorite pictures of the sunsets.

i was thinking about sunsets the other day, and in a way they are kind of sad things. they mark the end of something, time passed that you can never go back to. i find myself wishing more and more often that i could go back in time and redo things. but time just keeps slipping past, every day a sunset symbolizing the fading of that day.

i guess i'm just grateful that the death of every day could be memorialized in such a beautiful way.

LAYER ONE: On the Outside--

Major: fisheries and aquatic sciences
Current Location: Henderson, NV
Eye Color: blue
Hair Color: brown
Righty or Lefty: right
Zodiac Sign: cancer

LAYER TWO: On the Inside--
Your Heritage: swiss, danish, south african dutch, english
Your Fears: being alone, making mistakes and having people know it
Weakness: guys
Goal(s): get a PhD
Regrets: meh
Change one thing about your life: can't really think of one i'd pick
Relieve Stress: nap
Hardest thing ever dealt with: parents getting divorced
What upsets you: people who are intentionally rude
Vent about something: "megan... how come people lie...?!?" haha


LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow--

Your thoughts first waking up: ugghhhh nooooo
Your bedtime: 2 am? 4 am?
Your most missed memory: europe and boys of my past


LAYER FOUR: You’re picking--

Pepsi or Coke: water
McDonald's or Burger King: wendys
Single or Group dates: i hate dating
Lipton Tea or Nestea: gross
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: gross

LAYER FIVE: Do You--

Do Drugs: oh about every prescription you can imagine
Have a crush: i have a crush on every boy
Think you've been in love: no idea
Want to get married: yeah
Believe in yourself: less than i probably should

LAYER SIX: In the Past Month--

Gone to the mall: yup
Eaten Sushi: no, yuck
Gone skating: no, that sounds fun though
Dyed your hair: nope
Done something exciting: every day!

LAYER SEVEN: Have You Ever?--

Changed who you were to fit in: yes
Hid something from someone: of coures
Stole a note that you weren't tagged in: haha this is one i stole

LAYER EIGHT: Getting Old--

Age you're hoping to be married: an age that it is right
Age you're hoping to have children: an age after the age of getting married
Want to travel to: greece, australia, switzerland

LAYER NINE: Perfect Mate--

Best Eye Color: deep soulful ones
Best Hair Color: darker
Short or Long Hair: medium

LAYER TEN: What were you doing--

5 MINUTES AGO: facebooking
1 HOUR AGO: facebooking
1 DAY AGO: partying in vegas with tab and giulia
1 YEAR AGO: probably doing online classes wishing i could be hanging out with tom

LAYER ELEVEN: Finish the Sentence--

I Love: so much-- too much?
I Feel: content

I Hate: nothing at the moment
I Hide: in cupboards
I Miss: the past
I Need: to change

burn

i have a new favorite song, i got it on a mix cd from someone that i'm still thinking about, so lonesome without, and can't get out of my mind. 

Burn- Ray LaMontagne

Oh mama don't walk away
I'm a goddam sore loser
I ain't too proud to stay
But I'm still thinking 'bout you
And I'm so lonesome without you
And I can't get you out of my mind
Oh mama don't leave me alone
with my soul sat down so tight it's like a stone cold tomb
Ain't it clear when I'm near you
I'm just dying to hear you
Calling my name one more time
Oh so don't pay no mind
To my watering eyes
Must be something in the air
That I'm breathing
Yes'n I try to ignore
All this blood on the floor
It's just this heart on my sleeve that's a bleeding
Oh mama don't walk away
You leave me here bereaving from the words so hard and plain
Saying the love that we had
was just selfish and sad
To see you now with him
is just making me mad
Oh so kiss him again
just to prove to me that you can
an I will stand here
and burn in my skin
Yes I will stand here
and burn in my skin

yeah caleb, i'm gonna miss you more than i'm letting you know. 

my, how time flies

it's been ages since i've posted. okay so not that long. so much has happened in such a short time. it's weird. just one year ago i had barely finished high school and was getting ready to move out. so much has changed since then. my birthday is this week and i can't wait. i wish time would slow down though, and let me get caught up on all the things i wish i could do but can't find room in my busy schedule for! i wish this could be longer but it's almost 3 AM and i have to be up 8:30 ish tomorrow to go to work.

summatime!!!!

i'm done with school!!! it's officially summatime! and the sun is shining, it's a beautiful day! :) i feel like the luckiest person in the world right now. hope you all are as happy as i am :)

this is me. procrastinating getting ready for the day.

i can not even begin to relate how excited i am for summer to be here. i am very much ready for lots of play and only moderate work. it will be warm and there will be so much fun and partying and i just can't wait. All that stands between me and summer is a biology final. luckily there are some pretty cute guys in that class that give me motivation to study. i would really like for it to get a little bit warmer too. today is forecasted thunderstorms and a high of 61. rats. maybe summer will get here tomorrow.

oh, and i have to move out before friday at 2. this is my second time ever moving, the first being when i moved out of my house into the apartment i'm in now. kind of pathetic i know. but i'm not very good at moving yet, but i should be after this! i'm

 super excited though, i am moving into an apartment for the summer where i will be staying with my best friend megan. she's the best!! 

the thing i am not looking forward to for summer is that this new guy i met is leaving for across the country this weekend and won't be back until school starts. but i have great hopes that this other guy friend of mine, who i have had a crush on for months now, will be interested in me and take me on all kinds of fun adventures with him. he's very good looking and i love being with him and his friends, they are so much fun. i realized yesterday that he doesn't really know that i like him, and that he only thinks of me as a friend, but it's been that way for months now, so i guess nothing is new. well, i guess i will finally go shower and what not now, since i've been awake for 3 hours. 

story of my life...

so this morning, i woke up and it wasn't because my phone vibrated. "*sigh* i woke up before my alarm went off again" i thought to myself.  i could hear my roommates out in the kitchen talking. "i wonder what time it is" thought i, as i reached up to pull my pillow back to see the clock. 8:58. i have a class at 9:00 on thursdays. "oh fetch!" i thought. so i jumped out of bed, and pulled open my drawers to get clothes. i quick changed. i opened the door, went to my bathroom and got my brush wet and brushed through my hair a bit. grabbed an applesauce from the cupboard, grabbed my backpack, phone, and jacket, and went out the door. time on phone: 9:01. now this is actually 9:03 by the clock in my bedrooms time. i got ready in 5 minutes! i sped walk from my dorm to campus, while eating my applesauce (no-spoon style, cause that's how i roll) and got to my class at 9:13 (9:15 by alarm clock). i think i should get a round of applause for pulling that off. luckily i had a break after that so i could come home and actually get ready for my other classes. 

today was a good day though. i looked fantastic (once i got ready) and i got a ton more compliments on my new haircut. 

today is also the 2 month-aversary of my current boyfriend. yeah, i just can't stay single for long. but i actually think we kind of broke up last night, so i don't know about that... but yeah. i am back to flirting as usual. and a very attractive boy that works in the lab i work in added me on fb. i love my life sometimes.

bruised!

so i went country swing dancing at the local fun park last night. what a blast! i'm so glad i decided to go do that instead of doing my chemistry homework. it was so much fun to just totally let lose and go crazy and not even care what anyone thought of me! i danced with quite a few boys too and that was definitely a plus. except i am taking a break from boys, so i am trying not to get too carried away! it's not easy, let me tell ya. life is so much less dramatic when you aren't worrying about some guy, what he thinks, how you should act around him, when you're gonna see him next, etc etc. i'm doing really well at not even being tempted in wanting more than friendship with any guy. and you wanna know why? 

you think a guy is a man, and then just like the rest of them he turns out to be a boy. i hate that guys act all tough and tease you in order to get your attention. it makes me feel insecure, inadequate, and then i get defensive and angry. not exactly what i'd call a healthy relationship. and this is why i hate being teased. why i hate being tickled. i don't like feeling like i'm powerless and have lost control of a situation. and if you don't like a guy, you are apathetic and apathy will always win when it comes to guy/girl encounters. 

just last week i had a guy tell me that i needed to trust myself more and give more of my heart in relationships. trust my heart with one of those boys? not likely! it's all up and downs and confusion. and then there's the clincher. immature, immature, immature.

i confess that there have been those guys who have turned out to be pretty decent guys. but even they managed to disappoint me somehow, either in their ability to handle a relationship or just in being able to keep my interest. 

and so, i am taking a break. i am waiting for a guy to come along that for some reason, i honestly and truly care more about him and his well being than i ever thought possible. guys can tempt all they want right now, but i'm not going to fall for it. not unless they can convince me that it's pretty real. but what are the odds of that happening??

new beginnings?

well. here it is. 2009. this is a weird year to me, because i've spent a long time looking forward to 2008 and what it would bring. it's like i'd forgotten that the years kept going after 08.  now i don't know what i'm looking forward to in '09. what will '09 bring? well so far, it's brought me a fair amount of drama with boys. another ex-boyfriend, and a non-committal fling that has put the year off on the totally wrong foot. 

monday night i totally snapped the screen on my phone and couldn't see anything anymore. so after much calling to different customer service reps and such, my mom got instructions to have me send the phone, battery, and charger to new york where they would fix/replace the phone and send back whatever. i put it in the mail today, and have felt slightly empty all day long. weird how even though i couldn't really do anything with the phone, it was still reassuring to have it in my pocket. not that i didn't know i was addicted to my cell phone of course. meh.

this new semester looks like it will be a decent one. i was worried on monday when i realized i had 5 classes and 4 classes tuesday, both days going from 9 to after 4. but the rest of the week tapers off, and i think the work load will be manageable. 

well, i think i'll go to bed now. i'm slightly concerned that i don't have an alarm now that my phone died... this could be a problem. oh well i guess....