i feel like i have nothing exciting to write about

but i have the desire to write. even though i have nothing TO write. well i started this a couple night ago but then decided to give up and go to bed. i'll just finish and post it now. :)

i haven't posted in several days, so i'll quick write but i want to go to bed in THREE minutes! well i want to write about carving pumpkins. i carved a pumpkin with some extended family last week. carving pumpkins is such a stressful ordeal for me, because i am artistically handicapped and believe it or not, carving pumpkins requires artistic ability. at home, i would always lay out newspaper on the table under the pumpkin, but this time i didn't have that, and so i didn't have any way to sketch out a design before i started. well i ended up having my uncle trace a ghost. i decided to just like shave out the ghost shape, you know, like cool people do. i'd never done it before, but i wanted to be like the cool people. 

back to present time again. needless to say, the pumpkin didn't turn out as cool as i'd hoped. A) we can't have candles in my room so i had to light it with a glowstick, and it wasn't bright enough to shine through the ghost shape. B) we carved it so long ago, that now it is moldy inside and all slumped and decrepit looking. now i know why mom never let us carve the pumpkin until the very monday before halloween. right again. how does she do it? the world may never know.

i've had a boring week, which is sad since it is halloween week which is supposed to be full of parties. mostly i've sat at home. watching gilmore girls. i like gilmore girls, the characters are clever and witty and talk fast so it makes for fast paced humor and it just tickles my funny bone. and it's not super chick flick or anything, i dunno why more guys don't like it. 

i touched my toes in pilates today. yes, that was completely random. but other than that, i haven't accomplished much in the past few days. i feel lazy. and burned out. i think i'm permanently burned out. is that bad? probably. i wish i didn't stress out about everything all the time. i can't help it though. i always have a million things zooming around in my brain. i think that that is a large reason of why it takes me a good 25 minutes to fall asleep at night--no matter how sleep deprived i am. hmm... maybe i'm thinking about too much right now and that's why i can't think of something to write. i should do my reading for class tomorrow. 

my room has a lot of insects getting into it. i hate insects. watching gilmore girls today, i felt something on my sleeve so i went to pick it off, and in my fingers i realized it was a ladybug, and i flipped. ironic that my job right now is sorting insects out of river samples. those are different though, because they are dead. except yesterday, another person working with me realized that a fly in his dish was moving. it was way weird. we think it might have just flown into the dish, but like what are the odds of that?? i'd probably wet my pants if i came across a living bug in my sample.

well, i'm gonna call this good. maybe i'll do my reading now, and actually get to bed before midnight! .... here's to hoping.

3 in the morning rolls around...

i'm kind of getting sick of saying to myself "you should go to bed earlier". i'm ignoring myself just like i'd ignore my mom when she'd tell me that. now i know how my mom feels. weird. sorry about that mom. 

well tonight was fantastic. i went shopping with my friend, and i bought some christmas lights because i love love love christmas and can't wait for it to come. she told me i can't put them up until after thanksgiving though. maybe i'll twist her arm into a bit earlier. i also bought noodles and pasta sauce. so like maybe i'll have a real meal or something. or at least more real than i've been having lately. eating crappy and not sleeping haven't helped me get better at ALL. i've been coughing all night. i wish it would just go away, it's just annoying to me now. especially since all i can think every time i cough is "thanks (ex-boyfriend)". 

well after shopping, i went to my cousin's house and we watched oceans 13. i hadn't ever seen it before, but i highly recommend it! DEFINITELY better than the second one, and as high of quality if not higher than the first. and, as always, starring the fabulous brad pitt, matt damon, and george clooney. 3 of hollywood's finest, if i do say so myself. then we ran around town making movies, pretending to be ninjas, and playing with glo-sticks. yeah, we are that awesome. now i just have to figure out how to edit movies on my computer. i'm crossing my fingers that it will even work. i'd start it right now, but it's quarter to 4 and i have to be at a parade tomorrow morning at 10. huzzah for no sleep! :)

i hate waiting

do you ever feel like you are just waiting for your life? i do. maybe it's just my type A personality. but i am always looking so much into the future that i sometimes forget to enjoy the present. it's unfortunate. right now i am waiting for my biology test tomorrow morning. i wish i could just take it and get it over with so i can find out my score. and i'm waiting to find out how i did on the geology test last week that my TA didn't grade in time to get it back yesterday. one that i don't like to tell people: i'm waiting to fall in love. 

i hate that i keep coming back to love. i'm so SICK of love. the week before i moved up to school, my dad told my mom that he was leaving. his job at a prestigious university, the church we all belong to, and her. us. i really wasn't okay at first. i'm doing better. but i'm still not as okay as i want to be. i feel like i have serious baggage now. i'm a mess emotionally all the time. i wish i could just be normal and happy again. but at the same time, i don't think i'd be happy with him back. since my sophomore year of high school i knew that something was wrong, and i wasn't really happy then. but i guess this is worse. but i don't want to go back either.  so forward it is. even though it seriously sucks. and now falling in love just looks like the biggest risk you can ever take, and i don't want it to be that. i don't want to be left. but i want to fall in love. i want my happily ever after already. i'm just not sure whether or not it really exists.

double post! i'm that bored.

screw going to bed. i'm going to play more with this. 

Four jobs i've had:

1. student

2. lab technician

3.

4. (okay i'm pretty spoiled, and never had to work growing up)

Four movies i've watched more than once:

1. Hercules

2. aladdin

3. ice age

4. anastasia

Four places i have been:

1. Rome, Italy

2. Paris, France

3. London, England

4. New York City, New York

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Cookie dough

2. swedish fish

3. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

4. chicken and pasta

Four places i would like to visit:

1. switzerland (again) (it's my most favorite place on earth)

2. greenland

3. new zealand/australia

4. greece

Four things i am looking forward to in the coming year:

1. christmas (i love christmas)

2. doing ecology research

3. having fun/meeting new people

4. wow i really don't have anything i'm looking forward to. i should work on that.

i feel like a fool for thinking i was stronger than i really am

so i was dating this boy a few weeks back. he came down with a cold. he told me not to be too close, or that i would catch it from him. i informed him that i had an invincible immune system and wouldn't be susceptible to whatever he had. well, i've had this cold for about two weeks now, which is about how long it's been since i dumped said boy. i'm angry that i thought i was invincible. both for the illness and for him. i always dump the guys and then regret it and wish i could have them back. i'm doing better with this one. but it's hard not to think about him every once and a while. reminds me of aida. "all i have to do is pretend i never knew him on those very rare occasions when he steals into my heart". i love musicals. other aida lyrics ringing true to me these last few days "i shall not envy lovers but long for what they share. an empty room is merciless, don't be surprised if i confess i need some comfort there". amazing lyrics + fantastic harmonies = food to my soul. now i am really craving aida! but i need to go to bed. staying up until 4 in the morning isn't good for a weakened body. it takes it's toll. hopefully i don't die at my exercise class tomorrow morning. 

ps, comments on posts!! that means people read this!! weird.

did i take a step too far?

i saw aida this weekend at a theater back in my hometown. it was freaking amazing. like really. i cried. it's a fantastic show! that's where this blog's title comes from. i had an amazing weekend. hence not blogging this weekend. i went with my cousin to her hometown and played with all her friends, then came to my hometown and caught up with old friends... and ex's. it was just good to catch up with kids i haven't seen in several months. i saw wall-e finally. it's a pretty dang cute movie. i also went to my first haunted house ever. i'm such a wuss, i get scared so easily. i was way proud of how i did at this one though. okay, so there were parts where i had my eyes squeezed shut and just followed my date in front of me.

 you know while i was there, i was angry because the workers always walk past the guys and lunge at the girls. i was like what's up with that!?!? and the obvious answer is because they can't get the guys, it's the girls that scream. then i was thinking about it more, and i realized it is just a plot, because the workers know that the guys just brought the girls so that they would be scared and latch onto them!!! but then i was like okay, honestly, that's the only reason any girl would ever go too--is to have an excuse to latch onto a boy (we all know it was my reason) so i guess it's a toss. 

so i've been debating letting people know that i have a blog, so i can get some readers. but i'm still hesitant. but it just feels a little silly to be writing a blog that no one ever reads. oh well. 

i should be studying for my geology test tomorrow. hmmm. and sleeping. :)

you never realize how much you need it until it's gone...

usually this heartfelt phrase goes out to something more substantial than a TV/DVD remote. but tonight, that's all i'm good for. we don't have a remote for our TV/DVD player. and it is such a pain! it would be easier if the DVD player had some functions on it, but it doesn't. it's stop and play. i never realized how handy being able to pause or fast forward or rewind was. and then there's having to get up and walk over to the tv any time you want to change the volume or channel. when i was at walmart the other night, we found this "Universal remote" that is supposed to work with certain brands, and both our TV and DVD player happened to fit those brands! so i bought it. well it doesn't work. freaking rip off. we are going to try newer batteries in it, and see if maybe that helps it. but i'm pretty sure it won't. so we are back to having no remote, after having our hopes raised only to be dashed. 

i'm not too upset about it right now though, because tomorrow (Thursday) is Friday schedule, and then it's a long weekend! i get to go home and play with all my old friends. i am so excited. there are about 10 people i have planned to hang out with, really the people from high school that i care about. i'm very much looking forward to seeing them again, it's been since graduation for most of them. i think i'm going to go pack now, and then go to bed. that way i can get out of here tomorrow as soon as my last class is done!

i could have danced all night!

i just got back from a dance. it was fun. it felt good to get out and dance again!! i love dancing. and they played slow songs, which sucks for dancing with guys but are fantastic when you have a bunch of girls to dance around interpretively with! now we are watching the wedding planner. yeah, we watch chick flicks in my room ALL the time. it's fun. i wish love was like it is in the movies. i wish happily ever after actually existed. well the movie is done now. so i'm gonna go get myself some cookie dough. i'm running low, but that's okay because i need more crackers and stamps so i need to go shopping soon anyway :) maybe i'll get to bed tonight at a decent hour? haha no, probably not. well, to the cookie dough!

Snow and newsies and hypochondria

it snowed today, pretty much all day. so my roommate and i went and played in it for a while, then came inside and watched newsies. it is such a fantastic movie. the boys in it are so beautiful. and i love the music! i really love music so much, i have decided. but today was just a good day overall, because my lesson in church went GREAT and everything just seemed like it fell into place all day. i had some more brownies and cookie dough, and i think tomorrow i might have to go without anything sugary/chocolate because it's just not good for me. i really should know better. 

in july i visited the doctor and he told me not to eat anymore chocolate. or dairy. only low fat. no gum, soda, caffeine, hard candy, and later he added high concentrated fructose. aka anything fun to eat. the reason is because my fluctuating levels of serotonin. serotonin modulates anger, moods, sleep, appetite, metabolism, and vomiting. well that is why i get migraines and stuff all the time. plus with the metabolism, serotonin affects peristalsis (muscle contraction) along the digestive tract, and so mine doesn't digest normally. my stomach has acid reflux and stuff because there's too much acid and the valve at the top doesn't close right. so i take anti acid pills. and i don't think my gallbladder releases properly, so fat doesn't digest right. and then the whole IBS thing with the colon not functioning right. so food hates me, a lot. i break the rules, but i feel it now. stress makes my body funky too, i can feel myself getting sick when i stress too much. and i certainly have been stressing too much lately. it wasn't until the start of august that i actually was following the diet and feeling good inside. but then things got stressful and now i don't have money or time to eat like i should. 

that's just the start of my health issues, too. i'm on birth control because i had an ovarian cyst rupture last summer, and it was so bad that i couldn't keep food down for over 24 hours. it's also a solution to my facial acne, which i've gone through proactive, differin, orthotricyclin and other medications without much results. i wear shoe inserts because i have over-extension in the first radial on both feet, and the extra movement has created bone spurs on the outside of my big toes. my skin doesn't tan; i am hopelessly white. i have varicose veins on my legs too. and my legs never stay smooth after i shave them! they are always prickly again within the hour. 

okay, i'm feeling whiny now. and i don't want to be whiny. so i'm gonna call it quits for today, so i don't get more whiny haha. i'll end on a positive note. 

there are only 74 days until christmas. :)

Cookie dough, brownies, and apple pie

the three things i ate for dinner. and it was probably a bad idea. it's not settling well with my already messed up digestive system on top of a way too greasy lunch and only a rice cake for breakfast. but i needed some comfort foods pretty bad, so i went for it anyway. i also watched three chick flicks in a row, which was probably not a good idea either. all those false expectations about reality and falling in love you know. it's just not healthy. i can't decide how much to put in this entry, because i haven't decided whether i want to tell any of my friends about it, or keep it secret so that it can be my true feelings and what not. because we certainly wouldn't want anyone i know finding out how i really feel, right? and since i have to teach a class lesson at church tomorrow, i should probably be going over that right now. most of all though, i should be sleeping. good thing i slept in today until 12:30, or i'd be pretty worked over by now. as if i'm not already worked over enough. well, i guess i'll get to that lesson now. au revoir

Officially a blogger

Everyone else was getting a blog. And so I figured it was about time I got one too. I did the same thing with facebook. Hopefully I don't become as addicted to this as I am to facebook. Honestly, I don't have the time. Which leads to the title of my blog: should be sleeping. Because I really should be sleeping.